No Rest for the Weary

Life is so strange these days.  I feel like I'm living somewhere between Gitmo and an Anne Geddes calendar.  Gitmo for the sleep deprivation and an Anne Geddes calendar for the adorable, chubby babies that abound.  It's rough.

I think we're starting to enter the teething phase.  Both babies have slightly swollen gums in areas and both babies are forever gnawing on something.  Atalie's new nickname is "Baby Tiger", because she growls at objects until she gets them into her mouth.  If she sees you with a bottle in your hand, she will try to take your fingers off with her mouth!  She is eating like it's her new job and puts Grady to shame consistently.  I warned her about becoming "The Fat Sister", but she just knocked me over and demanded to know where I keep the peanut butter cups.

They're also close to transitioning away from being swaddled.  Swaddling was a lifesaver with Collin and while I feel like it took these babies a little bit more time to get used to, it has been just as useful.  However, more often than not, I walk in to see them busted out of the swaddle and occasionally even laying on their side.

And yes, they have moved to their own room.  I forgot how having a baby meant you are constantly phasing in and out of something for the first year.  We got our nighttime routine down only to completely change it once we moved them to their room, but things seem to be going alright with that transition.  It's a treacherous stumble from one side of the house to the other for Jarrod and myself when they wake up in the middle of the night, but that's life.

The babes are 4 1/2 months old now and coincidentally, Collin is 4 1/2 years old.  Grady and Atalie LOVE Collin.  They think he's the funniest, neatest person.  Jarrod and I often yell in the midst of a baby meltdown, "Collin!!!!!  Come here!  Talk to the baby.  Puh-lease!!!"  (The "puh-lease" is us literally begging him because he's decided he's too busy, too tired, too bored to talk to them any longer.)

Atalie is thinking, "I hope I get eyelashes that great!"

Grady is mesmerized by his big brother.  He can't wait to be able to play with Collin and all of Collin's toys ;)

This morning, Collin was saying, "Grady you're sooooo warm and chunky."

Oh, Atalie.  For the record, this is her smiling!

The babies are also interacting with one another more these days.  They hold hands whenever they are laying side-by-side.  This inevitably turns into one of them (mostly Atalie) trying to eat the other one's hand/arm.  I don't care, I'll take it!  They smile at one another occasionally but usually not at the same time.  It usually looks like one of them trying to make googly eyes at the other and the other one being completely oblivious!

They were sharing Grady's arm right before I snapped this picture, but then Atalie got greedy and took it all for herself!

They're laughing at Collin here, but I just love how Atalie has a hold of Grady.

Sweet brother and sister

Something was funny!

One of those rare moments where they noticed each other at the same time

Both babies have found their hands/fingers and are constantly sucking on them.  Grady has also found his feet (his belly prevents him from sucking on those though!), so we're waiting for Atalie to find hers any day now.  And it should be noted, Grady rolled over for the first time this past weekend.  Poor Atalie has been working on it for weeks, but chubby butt just decided to make it happen.  I guess it helped him to have some extra "heft" to get from his back to his tummy!  Sadly, once he was over, he screamed and screamed and looked like a turtle on its back until I flipped him over again.  Oddly, Atalie seems to have slowed down on trying to roll over.  I hope this isn't a glimpse into the future!  "He did it, so now I don't want to!"

Hey babies, give me a smile!
Sorry, Mom.  We're eating our hands.

I'm doing my best to keep our little, bald girl in headbands.  A few Etsy shop owners have noticed her on Instagram and have re-posted her photos as advertisement for their shops.  So now I walk around telling Jarrod that Atalie is a famous headband model.

If I didn't already have TWO babies, this picture would make me want one!  Look at that nose.  Those little lips.  Those CHEEKS!

I've also been busy teaching these kids about this thing called a Selfie.  They seem to be pretty amused by it but haven't mastered the art of making the most flattering face!

Sometimes she is all smiles and giggles.  Sometimes she is all judgey eyes and frowns.

This kid can go either way; he's a total ham one minute & the next he's an angry Indian with many demands.

Now, that's a cute face!

As I was taking the above picture of Grady, Landry got right in my face and said, "Don't forget me!"

Here are some freebies - hope you're week is just swell!!

It's really rough being a big brother sometimes!

I walked by Collin's playroom one day and saw him like this...  Just chilling upside down while eating a "fig newkin", because that's normal!

Atalie with her Aunt Kiki at Easter.  These two are gal-pals for sure.

4/09/14 - One Year Ago

One year ago today, I found out I was pregnant.  This is the rest of Atalie and Grady's story...


Time is such a crazy thing.  We get fixated on some thing and it feels like it will never come to be, and then before you know it, it's not only happened but feels like "old hat".

When Collin was 18 months old, Jarrod and I decided we might be ready to have another baby.  It took us 6 months to get pregnant with Collin (which felt like an eternity at the time), so I told myself I would chill out and be patient as we waited to conceive this time around.  Several months (along with many life events) went by, eventually turning into a year, and it was no longer possible for me to chill.  I was plagued by the fact that Collin was only getting older, I was only getting older, and we still were parents to an only child.  Jarrod was under a lot of stress with work and school, so having a crazy wife at home who just wanted to be pregnant again was probably not the most enjoyable thing for him to deal with at the end of the day.

I'm not good at waiting.  Hate it.  Not good at being out of control.  Not good at not having a PLAN.

Collin started to ask questions about siblings.  He started referring to the dog as his "Sissy".  He started praying at bedtime for God to send us a baby.  Secretly I thought, "God, if you won't give ME a baby, how about giving this sweet, little boy one?  He doesn't ever ask for anything, and he would be the most amazing big brother."

You know how it goes...  We had countless friends become pregnant and give birth during this time.  I saw pregnant women everywhere.  Jarrod and I joked that we were going to get rid of Facebook because every time we opened it, someone was announcing their pregnancy or doing a gender reveal.  It just felt like it would n.e.v.e.r. happen for us.  I started to believe so many lies from Satan during this time...  Maybe I wasn't a very good mom, and the Lord knew I couldn't handle another child.  Maybe this was punishment for being so miserable during my pregnancy with Collin and being a really bratty pregnant lady.  I would bargain with the Lord and promised that if I got pregnant again, I would relish the time spent carrying a child.  I wouldn't complain about discomfort or body image.  I would suck it up and be a peach of a pregnant lady.  (HA! If you were around me during my twin pregnancy, you know this promise lasted for about 5 minutes!)

People would comment on how Collin needed a sibling.  They'd ask when we were going to go for #2.  If I learned nothing else from this period of my life, it's that you never know what's going on in someone else's marriage.  I will never again look at a couple and wonder why they don't have kids yet or why they don't have more than one child.

So early last year, when my faith felt so weak, I began to "pray with audacity".  Our church read the book Gospel by JD Greear, and there's a chapter titled Expect Great Things.  I journaled an excerpt from the chapter: As I pray, I'll measure your compassion by the cross and your power by the resurrection.  And the verse Luke 11:13 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give...

Over the past year or two, I have also been going through a prayer journal of Flannery O'Connor's.  On the morning of April 9, 2014, something she wrote in her own journal struck a chord with me and I wrote it down.  She wrote, "Oh Lord....Help me with this life that seems so treacherous, so disappointing."

That afternoon I took a pregnancy test and remembered that I was being audacious with my prayers, so I boldly declared that it would be positive.  (Probably knowing in the back of my mind that I was going to go through another month of negative pregnancy tests and feeling bummed for a day or two before snapping out of it and doing the whole cycle again.)  It was positive.  I actually said aloud, "SHUT. UP."

Jarrod was at work, Collin was at daycare, and I was working.  I tried to work as usual that afternoon, but it was rough!  I actually blurted out to a dear friend and coworker that I'd just had a positive pregnancy test.  So I technically told someone else before Jarrod...whoops!  I ended up taking 3 different tests that afternoon because I just could not believe it.  18 months of trying.  Collin went from being a baby-faced 18 month old, to a full-on 3 year old little boy in that time period.

I couldn't keep it a secret long enough to put together some elaborate way to tell Jarrod and Collin, so on my way to pick Collin up from daycare, I stopped at a local flower shop and bought a blue balloon and a pink balloon.  The lady helping me asked if they were for twins; I told her no and that it was for a pregnancy announcement.  She got a huge smile on her face and congratulated me. 

I hid the balloons in the back of the car so no one could see them, got Collin from school, and we went home.  Jarrod was tired and sweaty from work.  He was working on getting the grill lit for dinner, so I ran to retrieve one of the pregnancy tests while he was outside and I tied the balloons to the test.  Collin came in the room as I was doing this, and of course he wanted to know what in the world was going on in that room.  Because, BALLOONS!

I gave the bundle to Collin, and he took off down the hall to meet Jarrod in the kitchen.  This is what happened next...

I was a bundle of nerves, so my voice sounds super weird!  Yes, Collin uncapped the pee-stick.  No, he never touched it.  Yes, Jarrod got emotional.  Best 49 seconds ever.

I sent my Dad this picture as a text while talking on the phone with my mom so I could hear their reactions. 

We were spending the following weekend in Little Rock with Jarrod's mom, dad and sister, so we waited to tell them for a week.  Collin spilled the beans to everyone at his daycare in a matter of days.  Beyond that, we didn't really tell anyone other than our Small Group from church.

I texted my dearest girlfriends from college this picture July 4th weekend.  I was already showing quite a bit and unable to wear a lot of my normal clothes.

And as you all know, on July 14 we went to find out the gender of our baby, only to find out that we were having TWINS.  I'll never forget Collin saying on the car ride home, "But Mommy, we only prayed for ONE baby!"

TWINS!

My pregnancy was filled with a lot of fear.  A lot of discomfort.  A lot of surprises.  The only constant that I could hold to was reminding myself of the Lord's provision.  Remembering the things He had done for us up to that point and reminding myself of Luke 11:13.  And also Colossians 1:17, "He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."

So one year later...  I sit thinking of the same things once again.  Jarrod and I are so sleep deprived.  We're going through each day in survival mode.  We miss each other.  With one baby for each of us and parenting Collin in between, it's rough.  There's nothing extra.  I am consumed with trying to work and keep everyone fed, clothed and content.  Jarrod is finishing up his semester in pharmacy school, so he's consumed with tests, projects and presentations along with keeping people fed, clothed and content.  It's a lot.  But when I look back at last year and remember the longing we felt for another child, I am reminded that this is only for a season.  Because the Lord provides.

And it helps to look at that picture of Jarrod and Collin in the doctor's office!  To remember the exact moment I saw two circles on the ultrasound screen and realized I had two lives growing inside of me. Remembering that moment never gets old!  Nor does it ever get old watching the video from when Jarrod and Collin first found out I was pregnant.  One year ago today we were a family of three made ecstatic by an answer to our prayers.